Christian Spiritualism had opened its doors to me, and it was lovely to feel accepted, not strange or different. it was normal to see and sense not weird, I started to go to church, twice a week on a Wednesday and Sunday, as I was embracing this whole new world that was opening up to me. Seeing mediums pass messages to loved ones who were present, seeing the comfort, help, and upliftment, the messages were giving, to the people who were receiving them, I thought to myself I would like to be able to do that.
I had a inner feeling that I could possibly one day, progress into being a platform medium, serving Spirit and giving people upliftment, through the teachings and messages of Spirit. I was seeking something I could excel in, where I could make my parents proud of me, although I was only 18 years old, I had not been much of a success at anything, I left school with a grade 5 cse English the school only gave me that certificate, so I did not leave school without any qualifications at all, I had no interest in school, and I must also admit to being very lazy. My laziness continued into working life in and out of jobs, and being constantly reminded by parents and family what a failure I was, I was seeking my niche in life where I could excel.
Spiritualism was providing me that niche, as I had a growing hunger for knowledge, of all spiritualism could teach me, back in 1978 the teachings of Spirit, were very much taught as a way of life, it was ok to make a mistake as long as you learned from that mistake, I was learning that this earth plane, that we all live on and share, is one big learning ground a school for the soul. I was learning about the levels of spirit, and that we as souls bring to this earth plane, many different levels of understanding. The reasoning for why we have so much conflict on our earth plane, from disagreements with family and friends to world war, from the liars, cheaters, the greedy for money and power, people who exert there will through violence. To those people who are peaceful, selfless, and loving. And all the levels of understanding between love and hate, it is here on this earth plane, that we come here to learn how to love unconditionally, love is a massive spectrum of emotion, from divine unconditional/universal love, at the top of the spectrum. To hatred greed anger jealousy at the bottom of the spectrum, and that our souls vibrate at varying levels of this spectrum, through our emotions and level of understanding. It was up to us who were aware, and walking a spiritual pathway, to have compassion, for those of a lesser understanding, and at times forgiveness for those of a lower level of understanding, and to live and speak our truth, with love and compassion. To sow the seeds of learning, for those souls of a lower understanding, the teachings of Spirit, are love kindness and compassion tolerance forgiveness, and that we who walk a spiritual pathway, are in service to everyone and everything.
The first thing I ever read in Slough Christian Spiritualist Church, was BE HUMBLE IN SERVICE, that one statement has been my guide throughout my spiritual service.
Over the next 3 months, mediums were telling me from the platform, I could develop into being a spiritual healer and medium, although I was seen as to young to become a medium, my Spirit Guides wished to use me as a powerhouse, this meant providing spiritual power, for the spiritual healer and his or her Spirit Guides. A power booster is the best way to describe it, I was invited by Brian North, to join him in the healing sanctuary to be the powerhouse, for him and his healing guides, this was a real step forward for me, and I was very excited about it. I was finally meeting spirit on a level playing field, to be able to embrace spirit, and to find out why they wanted to be around me, and make themselves known to me. The healing sanctuary has a blue light one end of the room, and a red light the other, I had already learned that blue was the main healing colour, I asked Brian why the red and blue lights, he replied it is easier to see spirit in this light, there was a table by the wall in the middle of the room, with religious icons on it and pictures of native American healing guides, and two chairs opposite each other in the middle of the room.
A lady entered the healing sanctuary, and sat down ready to receive healing, Brian asked me to sit in the other chair, and to imagine the lady in the chair with a blue light all around her, and to send my love to her in thought, Brian said a opening prayer invoking inviting spirit to come forward, and channel healing energy through him, the atmosphere within the sanctuary changed, it started to feel a bit warmer, it also felt like other people had entered the healing sanctuary, although I could not see them I could feel them beside me, and moving around the room moving around Brian. there was this growing energy within the sanctuary, a beautiful indescribable feeling of unconditional love, Brian’s breathing got a bit deeper and he put his hands over the ladies shoulders, as I shut my eyes I could feel my hands getting warmer and warmer, heat generating from the middle of my palms. this continued for approx. 20-30 minutes, although in that environment you do lose all track and sense of time, Brian then asked the lady if she felt ok she replied that she felt good, and also that she could feel another pair of hands moving over her, and that she felt much better. That was my first experience of giving spiritual healing, and I loved it and wanted to do it more and more. As time went on and the more I sat, in the healing sanctuary working as a powerhouse, for Brian and his healing guides, I was being mentally drawn to where peoples pain and illness was, on a physical level and I would tell people where they were hurting, although diagnosis is very frowned upon today, it was a perfectly normal thing to do back in 1978, and I agree we are not doctors so we shouldn’t be giving diagnosis, this was also the start of my third eye and mediumship awareness opening up.
I was also introduced to and encouraged to do absent healing, the easiest way to describe absent healing is prayer, when we break prayer down it is in actual fact thought, I was being taught that thought is energy and the most powerful thing within the universe, if we infuse our thoughts with love and send those thoughts to people, the energy of our loving thoughts can help them to heal, and asking God and healing guides, to give the healing that was necessary, so I started to give absent healing every Friday night from my bedroom at home, there was a lady at church called Sue, who I had become friendly with she suffered with a bad back, that at times would incapacitate her. I started to send her absent healing as time went by, within my minds eye I could see a bedroom, with a Victorian type bed in it my view was from the head end, and I could see a dressing gown hanging on the rail of the foot end of the bed, also a dressing table with a oval mirror opposite against the wall. After a few months of sending Sue absent healing, she asked me at church did I send my absent healing out on a Friday night, I confirmed to her that I did and that I could see a bedroom, within my minds eye Sue asked me to describe the bedroom, I did and she said that’s my bedroom. I was very astounded and amazed by her comment it was a real shock, but a nice shock if you know what I mean, Sue went on to say she could see my face to her right, as she lay in bed on a Friday night and this was the view I was getting of her bedroom. I did not realise or know that at the time, I was actually astral projecting myself mentally through my healing thoughts, this was a new development for me, and I did not realise that I was really opening up to spirit.
Sat in church one sunny warm Sunday evening, on the platform that evening was the trance medium Berenice Watts. who gave the address and messages in trance, with her spirit guides and loved ones, communicating through her. I was very drawn to Berenice and had a strong feeling a knowing, that spiritually she would teach me, little did I know at that point what a major part, Berenice would play in my spiritual development.
I was invited into Marjorie and Don Jacksons spiritual development circle, in Iver this excited me as I was being told by mediums, that I could develop mediumship and by others, that I was to young at 19 years old, to develop mediumship and that I was not gifted at all, this was a challenge to me as I really needed to excel in something, developing my spiritual awareness is something I really wanted to do, and to prove the doubters wrong. Don and Marjorie’s circle was held every Friday night, at there home there was Don, Marjorie, myself Nancy and John we sat in the living room, in a circle Marjorie would do the prayer of invocation, and we would sit quietly hands on laps palms upwards, in a kind of meditative state freeing our minds, of our material worries woes physical aches and pains, and seeing waiting to see what spirit wished to inspire us with, images within the minds eye, feelings of those spirits that were coming around us in the circle, and any messages they wished to share.
This went on for a good few weeks, although at the end of the evening when it was time to give off what we had received, I had nothing to give as I felt I did not experience anything. I was disheartened by this although Marjorie and Don encouraged me to stick with it, then Marjorie would do the closing prayer and we would have tea and biscuits, we continued to sit over the weeks, and I was being drawn to bend physically, forwards backwards from side to side, my arms outstretched in front of me to the sides and above my head, I felt this was all very strange, but the others did not bat an eyelid, so I carried on allowing this to happen to me, I asked Marjorie about it and she said do not worry, its just spirit adjusting to your physical body.
Zangu Zulu Spirit Guide
So I continued sitting and bending physically, until one night we were sitting in a low light, I looked over at Don and all of a sudden his head disappeared before my eyes, and different heads replaced his a native American, china man, a guy with a bowler hat, people of all different nationalities were appearing, this frightened me but amazed me at the same time, as it was the first time I had ever experienced this. My breathing started to get deeper and deeper, my consciousness was getting very inward until I felt about an inch tall within myself, I could hear my breathing getting deeper and more guttural, I could also feel this energy power however you want to describe it, getting stronger and stronger within me I felt I had no physical control over myself, to be honest I was crapping myself as I had no control, this energy power intelligence I could not describe it at the time, had total control over me, I heard Marjorie say have you come in peace, my head was turned from left to right as to say no, now I was really worried I was looking from within outwards, I did not know what was happening to me, and I had no control Marjorie then said have you come to give healing, my head was moved up and down to say yes.
Marjorie asked who have you come to give healing to, my arm was pointed towards John, who’s spine was crumbling he wore a big surgical belt, and he had to have gold injections into his spine. Amazingly I was stood up and walked towards John, as I moved closer to John my hands were pointed towards him, fingers closed and outstretched, my hands started to shake very rapidly, and from within myself I could see yellow, red, blue, green, beams of light shooting out of my fingers and into John.
I was shocked amazed and wondering what the hell was happening to me, gradually the power holding me began to decrease, Marjorie asked what is your name, a deep guttural voice in a whisper, came from me my name is Zangu, I was sat down and over a few minutes I began to compose myself, and came back into the room, Marjorie explained that Zangu is a healing guide and was told whilst he was with me, that he had been waiting to work with me since before I was born, I cannot describe to you how that felt, this was my first experience of trance. The closing prayer was said and we had tea and biscuits.
I continued sitting in Marjorie and Don’s development circle, for a few weeks more spirit had started to mentally, give me messages and Zangu would come though me in trance. He was also making his presence felt in the healing sanctuary, as Brian felt I was now advanced enough to channel healing, the power he brought through was amazing, and the temperature would really go up in the healing sanctuary, and people were saying they really felt the benefit of the healing power Zangu brought through. Although I was starting to have nightmares, this concerned my parents and myself, as I suffered some pretty horrific nightmares as a child, these nightmares were coming back with a vengeance, I assured my parents it was nothing I was doing at the spiritualist church, causing the nightmares to return. I walked into church one evening, and sitting in the foyer was a lovely medium by the name of Mrs Brotherton, Frank the president of the church was arguing with a lady, about me saying I was ungifted and to young to develop, the lady was saying just because I was young it did not mean I was not gifted. Don’t mind me I thought Mrs Brotherton sat there quietly smiling, during her demonstration of mediumship she came to me with a message, she was telling me from spirit that they were opening a door for me, and behind that door there was many spiritual gifts, waiting for me to develop and use with spirit in spiritual service, and that I had a very long way to go on the spiritual path, and many would come to me to be uplifted by these gifts, After the service Frank invited me into his church circle, I will leave you the reader to make your mind up about that.
I was reluctant to leave Marjorie and Don’s circle, but mistakenly felt by joining Franks church circle, it would be a way of progressing, as Frank was giving his circle the hard sell. I was still very much learning and naïve, about the right course for spiritual development. So I joined Franks circle, Marjorie and Don were lovely told me to be guided by spirit, and wished me well on my spiritual path, there is not a lot I can say about Franks circle, because spirit really did not communicate with me in that circle, I heard a woman singing in the kitchen one night, no one physical was in the kitchen, and once I was drawn to lay face down on the floor, arms outstretched to the side feet together, I later found out that this is the universal sign of humility.
My nightmares had gradually got a lot worse, I was waking up with a violent jolt screaming my head off, other times I would be falling from the ceiling in my bedroom, with this demonic face above me chasing me, I would wake up with a violent jolt, and be thrown to the other side of the room screaming, one night I woke up screaming kicking the chest of drawers, the other side of the bedroom. Zangu was also coming through as and when he pleased, this was at times embarrassing and dangerous.
My parents were very worried about me, and started talking about getting me psychiatric help, no one at church could give me an answer to the nightmares, I was having, at the time I was working at Bryce Whites Timber Yard in Langley, loading and unloading lorries. I was sent on a forklift driving course which I passed, to celebrate I went across the road to my local pub The Chestnuts, and got myself very drunk directors bitter, and rum and coke was my tipple at the time, I staggered home and went to sleep.
I was falling from the ceiling again, with demonic face chasing me I woke up with a jolt, wedged between my bed, and an old cabinet type record player, I had inherited from my parents. And in that second I felt a hand grab the back of my head, and force my head down on the corner of the record player, with such force the corner of the record player went through my chin.
My Dad rushed in I couldn’t talk as 3 teeth with gum were under my tongue, I was bleeding heavily, Dad went and got me a tea towel to hold to my mouth to help stop the bleeding, come on Dad said we are going up the hospital, so still drunk wearing my underpants, Dad took me to Wexham Park Hospital. When we arrived in casualty there had been a big fight at one of the local clubs, because of my injury the police thought I was involved in the fight, my Dad said what in his underpants no he has had a nightmare, the look on the policemans face was classic, I was given emergency surgery, to repair my chin and teeth they could give me an anaesthetic as I was drunk, I saw everything in the stainless steel on the light above my head, I felt every thing the surgeon was doing. He wired and stitched the 3 teeth under my tongue back into place, and put 13 stitches in my chin, I remember vividly the big needle for the penicillin injection, when we got home there was 2 teeth sticking out of the record player, yes it hurt like hell the next day I went to the hospital dentist, to have my teeth put into dental clamps for the next 6 months, to hold them all together.
The next night I went to Slough Christian Spiritualist Church, looking like Frankensteins monster, with 13 stitches in my chin and heavily bruised down the right side of my face, I was a bit shocked as no one said a word, after the service Nancy and Ken approached me, and said do you remember a medium called Berenice Watts, I said yes I did and that I enjoyed her work. Nancy told me that Berenice ran a discussion group in Ruislip, and would I like to go with them as they could see I was in a state, and they felt Berenice could help me.
The following Wednesday we went along to Berenice’s discussion group, the average age of the people there was 40 upwards, I was 19 years old so I felt a bit young stupid and shy to say anything, but I listened with interest to the discussion, afterwards Nancy and Ken Introduced me to Berenice, Nancy said to her Steve’s got some problems can you help him. Berenice took one look at me and, said its going to take more than 5 minutes to sort you out, can you come round for a coffee and chat next week, I agreed as was desperate for help some control over my life, as the nightmares were continuing, and my parents were getting serious abut me seeing a psychiatrist, we made arrangement for me to meet her and her husband Ian for a chat.
The following week I went along to Berenice and Ian’s, I told them of my experiences and my nightmares, admitted I was drunk when my face got smashed up. And that Zangu was coming through whenever he felt like it, Berenice explained to me that I was very open to spirit, and was very annoyed that I had not been taught how to close down to spirit, she explained to me that it was very important to close down to spirit, as we need to live our material lives, also spirit will use a open channel 24/7, this will have a very detrimental effect on a channel mentally and physically, especially as all and sundry and those from lower levels of spirit, are very drawn to the light of an open channel, and can be very harmful to a channel depending on the state, of the spirits coming close to the channel.
And also alcohol is a depressant but also makes us wide open to spirit, if we are not properly closed down. Her guides told her that I was being used astrally for rescue work, to take those on lower levels of spirit into the light and and higher levels of spirit, Berenice taught me how to close down, and to do the closing down meditation, before I went to sleep and before I got up in the morning. By asking God and spirit guides for protection, and imagining a blue and green wall around myself, and stating nothing could penetrate it, would give me the protection I needed, Berenice added that my spirit guides were also being very lazy, by not protecting me, Berenice then invited me into her circle to sit for spiritual development.
I was amazed and delighted, that Berenice had invited me into her development circle, it was like jumping from infant school to university, I was very much taught how to close to spirit, also how to open to spirit correctly, how to control my guides and to communicate with them, Berenice is a trance medium so I was taught trance, how to come in and out of trance properly, my guides were taught how to respect and look after me as a physical channel, they wanted to use me so they are responsible for looking after me. other than myself and Berenice there was Ian her husband, and Ron and Pauline a couple also sat in the circle, we would each in turn have to bring a guide through to talk on a set subject. My favourite was Li an oriental guide, who channelled through Ian his talks were very informative and funny, on how spirit works, universal law, levels of spirit, reincarnation.
We were taught how to give an inspired address from our guides, how to give messages from spirit, by cutting out unnecessary bits like names and anniversaries, sand, tarot, playing cards, crystal ball, psychometry, How to channel energy, meditation, one of the more gruelling excersises she would put a picture, in an envelope and we would have to tell her, what or who was in the picture and describe what we saw felt.
One night in Berenices circle I arrived, and the bowl of sand was there, she told me I was going to do a sand reading with a difference, after opening the circle Ian channelled the energy of a guide, into the sand I had to tell them who the guide was, as I looked into the shapes and shadows in the sand, in my minds eye I could see like a monastry with a silver lining around it, I could also see a group of bhuddist monks walking a path to this monastry, they were being attacked for the food they had with them, one got hit over the head, instantly in a split second everything went black, and a massive electric like shock through me, then I was back in the room, Ian told me the guide was in actual fact his guide Li, he was a bhuddist monk, and he was murdered for the food he had with him, and is monastry was called the monastry of silver light.
Sadly Berenice’s circle lasted 9 months, as Berenice and Ian moved to Crawley to live, and it was to far for us to travel, I still feel a link to Berenice’s circle and my fellow sitters, I will be forever grateful to her for her help and teaching, I also teach the same way as she did very disciplined. I have been working off what I learned in that circle, for the past 37 years it was way ahead of its time, and still is today because it was universal spiritual teaching, as a way of life.