Finding Balance In 2022

As I sit contemplating my yearly boxing day blog, I am wondering were to start, going back to October 2021. I was working as a relief worker for Two Saints at their Acton Lodge Hostel, a support worker had resigned due to his ill health giving a month’s notice, as a replacement had not been found, the manager asked me if I would like to work in the community rather than being hostel based. Working in the community would mean supporting clients in sublet accommodation, as well as clients in hostels awaiting sublet accommodation, the clients had previously been homeless suffering with drug, alcohol, and mental health issues. I jumped for this new opportunity as I wanted to do more to help clients, rather than day to day hostel duties. I explained to my manager that I had no experience of support work, but I would love to give it a try, as I hoped to become a full-time support worker, I had applied for the vacant position. this would mean I would have practical experience, and it would support my job application.

I feel I have learned important lessons during my time employed by Two Saints. I will discuss the lessons I learned throughout this blog. January 2022 started with me suffering with covid. Although I felt I had recovered enough to do my first service, which was a zoom demonstration of mediumship for Bognor Spiritualist Centre, the meeting went well although my voice became hoarse, and the meeting was called to time, fortunately before my voice gave out. A private reading with me was raffled, I was told lots of people had bought raffle tickets, because the reading would be with me, I know this sounds arrogant, but it made me feel good to know that my spirit team’s work, through me was touching heart’s helping people and making it’s mark.

I started out with a caseload of ten clients, and considered as a complex caseload, because of the client’s lifestyle, addictions, and mental health. I realise now as I am writing that I had bitten off more than I could chew, I started to realise that I had been thrown in the deep end. As a relief worker I was not entitled to travelling expenses, but I was expected to visit clients using my own car, and I had to get business insurance for my car, as at times I would have to take clients to professional appointments, such as doctors, dentists, and hospitals, or to the council, or to get benefit assessments, or to move clients from one property to another with their belongings. I was also not entitled to a company phone, as I could not give clients my personal phone number, this made things difficult, if a client wanted to phone me they had to leave a message at hostel for me, or if I needed to phone a client. I would have to drive back to hostel to phone them, or call hostel staff to call the client to give them a message from me.

In January 2022 I was interviewed for the role of support worker along with other candidates, I was unsuccessful in my application, and the job was offered to another candidate. I was a bit miffed as since October 21 I was working the vacant post without the correct renumeration, phone or training to do the job being asked of me, my manager asked me to do certain online training courses, but when I tried to do the training courses, I was not allowed to do them as I was still a relief worker. A week or so later I was told they could not employ the successful candidate in the community role, as she did not have a car or driving licence, she had started work at a hostel a bus ride from her home.

I was offered the support worker role. In hindsight I should have rejected the job offer, because it was clear I was second choice for the role, as a colleague reminded me a few days later. But I was happy as now. I would be working on a full-time basis, the working hours were 9am-5pm, which would allow me to earn a decent wage and accommodate my spiritual service, on the 7th February 2022 I started work aa a homeless recovery worker, not only did I have to manage my caseload, a new world of training had opened up for me, which meant I would lose alot of time to do training. I was working longer and longer hours to keep up with my caseload and the admin that comes with it, my predecessor had not done up to date support plans for the clients I had inherited from him, or arranged housing benefit for a client , which led to extra workload, with me asking lots of questions, as I had never dealt with housing benefits before.

It was at this point I realised I was becoming stressed, with my workload as I was working extra hours to keep up, also doing 3-4 services a week online and in person. I was not getting anytime for myself and quality time with my wife. I just seemed to be constantly working, the only respite I seemed to have was when it was time to sleep, as in the darkness of the night there was no expectation of me. and I could relax, at times I still had to meditate to relax enough to sleep, as to what I needed to do or worrying about what I may not have done was heavy on my mind, me and my wife had booked a 11 night cruise to the canary islands in March, which I was very much looking forward to, as I had never been on a ocean cruise before, and it would be a break from everything visiting new places, a time to rest and relax and spend time with my wife, who I missed as I was always working, and hoping to be inspired by the sea to write new poems.

My wife and I were very excited to travel to Portsmouth, to board our cruise ship the valiant lady 21/03/22. We were greeted with a champagne reception when we boarded, my wife and I had booked a rock star suite on deck 11 at the stern of the ship, we sailed later that day having a gorgeous steak dinner before bed time, it was an 80’s cruise and live entertainment was provided by Martin Fry of ABC, Toyah Wilcox, Annie Logan of Altered Images, and Carole Decker of T’Pau, and Tony Hadley of Spandau Ballet. It was great to see them perform their hits live, over the cruise back in the day I loved all of my heart by ABC, and always wanted to see it sung live, so to watch Martin Fry singing All Of My Heart was truly my best highlight of the cruise, Veronica spent the first two days of the cruise in bed sea sick, to cut a long story short, the food was great and to a very high standard, the staff were wonderful, but other than the 80’s entertainment, there was not really much else to do on board the ship, apart from drink and lie on a sun lounger, there was also a blues band that entertained during the day in one of the bars.

Our cruise was struck by tragedy as a passenger had to be airlifted to hospital, due to a medical emergency, and we had to sail back a few hours so the helicopter could reach our ship, a man committed suicide by jumping overboard, he told his wife he was going to get some air as she was going to bed, his wife woke up 8 hours later to find that he had not returned to her, and a ship wide for him began, he captain made a tannoy announcement that the man was seen on cctv, jumping overboard and that no one else was involved, under maritime law we had to sail back to the man’s last known position, and search for him, we sailed back and the ship carried out a 100 mile search with the help of the French coastguard, once we had reached the search area me and Veronica and many passengers looked out to sea to see if we could spot him. The man was not found and an eerie silence fell upon the ship, our hearts going out to his wife and family.

Our cruise had been badly delayed, but it was no one’s fault the tragic circumstances for the delays, could not have been anticipated, it meant for me and Veronica that we spent a lot more time at sea watching movies in our suite, day trips were cancelled and our time in port was shortened, we did manage to visit Santa Cruz, Gran Canaria, Tenerife, and Lisbon. But basically it was just like being dropped off at the shops, in Tenerife me and Veronica walked around the shops and had coffee in a cafe, I remarked to Veronica “we could have done this in Eastleigh”. In Santa Cruz we hopped on board a coach trip that took us around the local sights and places of historical interest, with a very informative tour guide, that was a lovely day.

We landed back in Portsmouth 01/04/22, we saw the new Royal Navy aircraft carrier The Queen Elizabeth. to be bluntly honest I could not wait to get off the ship and go home, as I felt quite depressed this may sound very ungrateful, but due to spending a lot of time at sea with nothing much to do except eat and drink, and the tragedy that had occurred on board, coupled with the stress I thought I would escape from with this cruise, my mental health was way worse than before the cruise. I do feel blessed that me and Veronica could afford the cruise, but tragedy aside I guess cruising is not for me, tragedy aside my Veronica loved her time at sea and we may book another cruise in the future,

I returned to work 04/04/22 as expected I spent the first day replying to and actioning received emails, and visiting clients over the next 3 months my work load got heavier and heavier due to staff sickness, and being expected to cover hostel duties, as well as my own caseload and my off sick colleagues caseload, this I shared with another colleague who was also feeling stressed about he extra workload, I also had 2 complex clients that were being evicted and moved to another address, plus another client who I was trying to get sublet accommodation for, this involved a lot of report writing phone calls and emails, I was working longer and longer hours to keep up with my work load, coupled with doing 3-4 demonstrations of mediumship a week, I was not getting any adequate rest or quality time with Veronica, more than once I would get home at 7pm a quick meditate and tune in, and would be demonstrating mediumship by 7.30pm. During April 2022 I self published my collection of poetry titled Reflections on Amazon UK.

Over time I was becoming more and more stressed and anxious, as I could not keep up with my caseload and the workload it generated, I was also having to take time off to do training, which was giving me less time to focus on my workload. I had already resigned once before but was talked out of it by the service manager, things were coming to a head as I was becoming more and more stressed and dreading going to work each day, I took a weeks holiday in July, to decide what I was going to do with my life, and whether I could cope with stress and anxiety, and continue to do my job also realising the stress and anxiety, was getting harder and harder to rise above, and this would have a very negative effect on my spiritual service and marriage, my mental health was effecting my physical health as I was finding it very hard to sleep.

I unloaded my worries and woes onto my spirit guides, Red Cloud advised me if I did not find balance soon in my life, I would become to ill and I would be no good to anyone, and it would cut my pathway short, and they with me would not be able to achieve future service, I was reminded when I worked for an agency working around my spiritual commitments, I was rested and the household finances did not suffer, this was a lightbulb moment for me, although I realised Red Cloud was stating the obvious, my stress and anxiety was really affecting my train of thought, I decided to resign from Two Saints and go back to working for an agency so I could earn money have a better quality of life, and be well and rested enough for my spiritual service. 11/08/22 was my last day of working for Two Saints, it was a frantic day trying to complete the tasks my service manager and unloaded on me that day, I was full of stress and anxiety, my service manager asked me to return as a relief I told her I would think about it, a colleague asked me if I would come back as a relief, I told her with the way I was feeling I would not be back, staff had a collection for me, I received a lovely farewell card a bunch of sun flowers 2 bottles of my favourite wine sauvignon blanc and a box of maltesers, I was touched by their generosity.

My colleague Louisa invited me for farewell meal and drinks after work, I picked her up at the hostel she worked at and ranted about the events of the day, but I was touched she wanted to say a proper farewell to me, the sun was shining we sat in a pub garden had a drink and a meal which was most welcome I dropped her off in Gosport after the meal and went home, feeling relief about leaving my job and sentimental about my time with Two Saints, a curious mixture of emotions. I took the following week off to meditate and rest to get my stress and anxiety under control, midweek I went back to driver hire and signed on with them, a temp to perm job with meals on wheels was mentioned, I told them that the hours suited me and the hourly rate was good, I had a current DBS certificate so I start straight away, 22/08/22 I started work with meals on wheels and I have not looked back.

I am currently applying to work for meals on wheels full time on a 22 hour contract, which accommodates my spiritual service, I am renewing my DBS certificate once that is done I will be full time with meals on wheels, my stress and anxiety did not dissappear, it took a lot of meditation and self healing before I felt myself again, so I say to all take the time to be kind to yourself especially with mental health, myself and Veronica had a lovely week in York, to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary 07/09/22, sadly HM The Queen passed away 08/09/22, myself Veronica and the whole nation felt her loss as she was the only Queen we had known throughout our lives from birth, whilst in York I was invited to demonstrate trance healing at Harrogate Spiritualist Church, which was an honour and a blessing to do, 11 people received healing that night, also people saw loved ones and guides appear in the cabinet.

Spiritually I have got busier and busier, I am very blessed to say my 2023 diary is full, 2022 has taught me that I am not 30 years old anymore and I cannot do now what I did then, work full-time and do 3 demonstrations of mediumship a week, I have not got the energy I had 32 years ago, but hopefully now I have things in place, whereby I have balance in all areas of my life and the energy to fulfill all my commitments, I have also learned that I am not as mentally tough as I thought I was, and that self care with mental health is just as important as physical health.


39 Years

Many years ago my spirit guides said to me “we want you to do platform work” I told my spirit guides I was not ready to do platform work, so they kept on nagging me to demonstrate mediumship on platform, it became very intense in the end I threw my hands up in the air, and told them OK I WILL GIVE PLATFORM WORK A TRY IF I FALL FLAT ON MY FACE IT’S YOUR FAULT.
So on the 5th January 1983, I gave my first demonstration of mediumship at Slough Spiritualist Church, I was 23 years old many people said I was too young to be a medium, as I did not have life knowledge, but I was communicating spirit not myself, I was a typical 23 year old man with many life lessons to learn

I can honestly say the past 39 years have been a journey of self discovery, of who I am and my purpose in life. Spiritualism gave me the answers as to the why and wherefores of what I could see and feel, taught me to have control over my awareness, and not be a forever running tap for spirit, I have made some very bad choices in life, and walked down some very dark roads, the one constant that has been in my life is spirit, gently guiding me back to purpose and service.
Looking back I realise throughout my life, I have been learning the 7 principles of spiritualism through my life lessons, especially principles 1, 5, 6, 7. in that way yes I was too young to be a medium, but I am so thankful for the lessons and the journey that has brought me to the understanding and awareness I have now. I have met many amazing people along the way, and I have been humbled by the love and faith that spirit have had in me over the years, and the power of love spirit has to communicate their truths, love, and upliftment to many through we channels for spirit.

Today 5th January 2022 I do not look back, I look forward to future service as a channel for spirit, knowing it is my purpose and my reason for being. Blessings To All 💜

The Life And Times Of A Lost Soul:- Spiritual Healer Part 5

Spirit are always reminding me that I am in actual fact a healer, in this blog I will talk of some of the times, that I have been used as a channel for healing, or channelled that have had the most impact on me as a healer. Although this book should not be taken as documentary proof of spiritual healing, or my gift as a healer none of it can be proven, but it is all part of my life experience as a channel for spirit.

In 1983 I was on a high because I was finally expressing myself truly, being a channel for spirit and I had started serving spiritualist churches, as a medium but I still wanted to continue working as a channel for spiritual healing, I put an advert in the Slough Observer advertising myself as a medium and healer.

In answer to my advert an elderly lady telephoned me, who lived just down the road from me in the alms houses, she told me that due to a medical condition her right knee was very swollen and painful, she asked me if spiritual healing could help, I advised her that as a spiritual healer I could not promise her a cure, but I knew spiritual healing could help her on one level or another, greater inner peace or just to help ease the pain for a while, the lady visited me for spiritual healing the following Saturday,  her right knee was very swollen I made her comfortable in an armchair, and asked her to just relax myself and my healing guides would do the rest, I attuned myself to me healing guides, and channelled healing energy to the ladies swollen knee, after 10 – 15 minutes my healing guides stood back to my and the ladies surprise, the swelling on the ladies knee had significantly gone down, and was not painful anymore the lady was very surprised and happy that the spiritual healing had worked, as I was showing the lady out my nan invited her to stay for a cup of tea, the lady was then happily telling my nan about the spiritual healing she had just received, and that it had worked.

I had another phone call from an Asian man telling me his mother was very sick with cancer, in Windsor hospital how much would it cost to make her better, I told him that I did not charge a fee for healing, and I could never promise a cure, he was not impressed with my statement, and asked me why I could not heal his mother for money, I explained that I could never promise a cure as each receives according to their needs, for their spiritual progression in universal life, also that I could never take money from sick people, I told him that I knew spiritual healing can bring relief from pain and help to bring peace to the sick, I would do my best to channel the healing to cure his mother, but there was no way I could guarantee a cure, the man seemed to accept that I could not guarantee a cure, and I agreed to go with him to Windsor hospital, l to channel healing energy to his mother. He picked me up at my home on the agreed day and time, we arrived at the hospital, he said I will stay in the car you go to my mother, and he gave me the ward and bed number his mother was in.

As I approached his mother’s bed I could see a frail elderly Asian lady, who looked emaciated by her cancer, it dawned on me that her cancer was terminal, I was quite nervous as at the time spiritual healers in hospitals was frowned upon, a nurse looked at me quite oddly as a young white male, visiting an elderly terminally ill Asian lady, I introduced myself to the lady she said to me “I give you money make me better” and from her bedside cabinet she pulled out a thick roll of £20 notes, I told her I did not want her money, and that I could not promise to cure her, she kept trying to give me the money, I told her money will not cure her, and healing would help her to be at peace and ease her pain, I managed to calm her down and the lady became still, I outstretched my hands to her, asked healing guides to come close and channel healing through me to the lady, I was concerned I might be thrown out of the hospital for giving spiritual healing, about halfway through the healing, a nurse came and put a screen around us the healing was very powerful for the lady, after about 30 minutes my healing guides drew back, and the healing was complete, I left the lady sleeping and I went to meet her son in the car park.

On meeting her son I told him I could accept the money his mother tried to give me, he became angry and started shouting at me calling me names, as he drove me home, he calmed down a bit and asked me if his mother was going to live, I told him that his mother’s condition was way beyond money, and that it was now between her and God, and that I feared she would probably die, and that her death would be a release for her, from her pain and physical body into universal life in spirit, he began shouting at me as he dropped me off at home, calling me a charlatan he tried to give me £20 for my time, I would not accept it reminding him I cannot take money for channelling healing, he drove away shouting and being abusive towards me, this incident left a nasty sickly feeling within me, for a very long time how could they think money, could make their terminally ill mother better, I know people often go to spiritual healers as a last resort, and expect miracles to happen, it is in my teaching that each receives according to their soul needs, at times we are meant to experience suffering in physical life, for the growth of the eternal soul, it is also a simple truth that money cannot buy health, so please whatever your condition please visit a spiritual healer, when you are first diagnosed with a serious illness, I know at the very least it will bring pain relief and peace to you, and help you with the growth of your eternal soul.


I have not sought permission from the people concerned, to publish the following account of healing, as I have had no contact with them since 1986, to protect their identity, I will change their names for the purposes of this account.

Way back in 1984 I was at home with my parents, it was a Friday so it was our weekly fish and chip night, as we were waiting for my dad to return from the chip shop, my mum told me of her friend at work, who has a granddaughter who was suffering with stomach cancer, her granddaughter Sarah was 3 years old, Zangu my Zulu guide told me the cancer was in her stomach, but had progressed to her lungs, I told my mum what Zangu had said and my mother replied how did you know” I told my mum that my Zulu guide had told me, my mother went on that Sarah’s grandmother Anne, had tried to get Sarah an appointment with spiritual healer Ted Fricker, a respected and well known  healer at the time, but had only managed to get Sarah’s name on Ted Frickers healing list, I told my mother that Ted’s healing list very probably had thousands of people on it, and the healing Sarah would actually get would be limited.

Zangu kept saying to me that we should give Sarah healing, I gulped and offered our healing services to mum for Sarah, to my surprise my mother said that she would talk to Anne at work Monday morning and see what she said, Monday evening my mum told me that she had spoken to Anne, and that Anne would speak to Sarah’s parents, and sent thanks for the offer of spiritual healing for Sarah, 3 or 4 days later Anne phoned my mum telling her, that Sarah’s parents would try anything to help their daughter, but they wished to meet me first to make sure I was not a weirdo, the following week myself and mum and dad went to meet Sarah’s parents and grandparents at Sarah’s home.

I was nervous about the meeting but it was Zangu’s conviction, that him channelling healing energy through me could help Sarah, that encouraged me to go through with it, it was a positive meeting I explained how Zangu would channel healing through me, and the family gave me and Zangu permission to channel healing to Sarah, on the proviso that Sarah’s dad Dave was present in the room, which was no problem at all, the following week we met to channel healing to Sarah, Dave showed me up to Sarah’s room she was lying fast asleep in her cot, Dave sat down beside the cot and I called on Zangu to step forward for Sarah’s healing, the healing was powerful I could see healing colours shooting from my fingers, and into Sarah’s stomach and chest, the healing lasted for around 20 minutes, when downstairs Dave told me he could feel spirit joining us in the room, and he could see the healing colours shooting out from me and into Sarah.

Dave telling me what he experienced during the healing was amazing, as he had no experience of spiritualism or spirit before, and this very much encouraged me as to the strength of the healing being given, and to continue with Sarah’s healing, Sarah’s patents asked me to visit once a week to channel healing to Sarah, I agreed and my parents agreed to bring me to Sarah’s home once a week, this went on for several weeks, Anne told my mother that the doctors could not work out, why Sarah was not losing her hair as she was receiving chemotherapy.

I told my mother that Sarah not losing her hair, was due to the strength of the healing being given, on one particular visit Sarah’s home her grandfather Albert, asked if there was anything they could do to help, whilst me and Dave were upstairs with Sarah, so I got my parents Sarah’s grandparents and mum sitting in a circle, and taught them how to send absent healing to Sarah, this was a great idea as it would really boost the healing being given to Sarah, and would help them make a valuable contribution to Sarah’s healing, we continued to visit to give healing until Sarah was diagnosed, as being in remission from cancer, and I continued to send Sarah absent healing from home, a couple of years later Sarah was diagnosed as being all clear from cancer, and Sarah’s family sent us their thanks and gratitude for our part in Sarah’s recovery from cancer, a few years ago my mum told me that Sarah was working as a consultant in a NHS hospital, and that Anne once again had sent her thanks, to this day I am so glad to have been a part of Sarah’s healing from cancer, helping her to grow into the amazing woman that she is, also I thank Zangu for nagging me and believing in me as his channel, as I lacked the confidence to put myself forward for Sarah, I am also thankful with the greatest gratitude to Zangu and healing guides for Sarah’s healing.

Stephen Rowlands 09/08/20